A Father, A Wedding & Lasting Memories

Good afternoon. My name is Paul Tolejko and I am…the father of the bride. Along with my ever lovely, charming and talented wife Deborah, we welcome you here today. And what a beautiful day this is. With apologies to Martha Stewart, I would like to pause a moment to acknowledge and thank the two most important women in my life. That would be my wife Deborah and our daughter Natalie for their dedication, hard work and creativity in putting together what promises to be one heck of a wedding celebration.

I would like to thank Scott Richardson for traveling up here from his Cathedral in San Diego to perform today’s ceremony. Scott is Deborah’s cousin, so it’s nice to keep it in the family.  Thanks Scott.

Many of you have traveled great distances to be here today and, including Texas and Santa Monica, at least seven nations are represented here today. I want to thank each and every one of you for coming.

Some of you are actually visiting California for the very first time. Imagine that. I know you might find it hard to believe, but I wasn’t born here. So, I know how exciting it is to be visiting this great state, let alone it’s most glorious city…Santa Barbara. Now, you first timers take a look around. That’s it. Don’t be afraid. Take a good look. These are the whackos and the crazies you have been hearing about your entire life. Yep, the California sun heads. See, they’re not so bad. They clean up pretty nice.

I just know you’re going to have a great time while you’re here. Do some yoga. Have some wheat grass. Maybe sneak in some nude sun bathing. You know, the usual touristy stuff.

Oh, by the way…before I forget, apologies are in order for all our out-of-town guests. Deborah and I had no idea that it would be a problem to shell out $900 a night for a hotel room.  A small room…with a view of the parking lot.  Well, we feel bad about that, so at the end of the evening feel free to help yourselves to a few extra bags of the wedding almonds. Natalie and Cameron won’t mind.

About a year ago…

I attended a party held to honor Cameron and Natalie’s engagement.  It was an intimate affair, and near the end of the evening, several people got up and spoke in great detail about Natalie and Cameron. How wonderful they are and how talented and how special and how much they meant to them personally. It was quite touching. But I couldn’t help but wonder…Who are these people? And how do they know so much about my daughter and her fiancé…Cameron. Well, it didn’t take me long to realize 2 things:

1st. In spite of our best efforts to protect our children, Natalie and Cameron have not led sheltered lives. No. Far from it. These two have seen, done, experienced and accomplished more than many of us can only dream about. We are very proud of the two of you.

2ndly. To answer the question…Who are these people?  Well, these people are you people. You are the most important people in Natalie and Cameron’s young lives. You mean the most to them. And that is exactly why they wanted you here today. To help celebrate the very beginning of their new life together.

Well, that’s nice. That’s special. Deborah and I, however, have a few expectations. That’s right. We didn’t invite you here just to eat, drink and be merry, although we certainly want you to do that. No, as the most important people in their lives, we feel each of you has an obligation, a duty, a responsibility to support them… in their relationship.

And I don’t mean when Natalie is upset because Cameron has left his socks on the floor or comes home smelling like a cigar.

Or when Cameron has a hard time understanding why Natalie just has to have that 16th place setting to really make her collection complete. Or, when Natalie’s parents are visiting…aaagain. Wait a minute. Forget that one. That’s a good thing. Right Cam?

No, I mean on the really big issues. The important things…Like honor, trust, fidelity, money. The things that can make or break a relationship. That’s when they will need your support. Not to come in and choose sides or bail them out individually. No, you need to keep your eye on the big picture…their “r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p”. Their m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e. So, we would like you to take an oath. When I raise my hand, I would like you to say…I do. In a nice loud, resounding sort of way. Do you promise to love and support Natalie and Cameron in their relationship. (Raise Hand) I do. There, now you have that going for you as well.

A wise man once said…

… that in between all our planning…life happens. You get off the plane, the train or the bus, exit the parking lot at work or just walk out your front door in the morning, and you take a left turn instead of a right.  You might meet the man of your dreams or your new best friend. Or you might run into a streak of bad luck or even break your ankle. So much of life is left to chance.

One thing we can control, however, is our behavior. How we interact with one another and how we treat the ones we love.

Cameron…Natalie. You’ve been best friends since high school. You’ve come a long way together. You have a wealth of shared experiences and have already begun building a life together. Trust me, though, when I say you have taken your relationship to a whole new level.

You have stood before all of us here today and announced to the world that you have given each other your hearts for all eternity. You have no secrets and you tell no lies. You completely surrender yourselves into each others care. There is no greater feeling, no greater exhilaration and no greater comfort.  

There is also no greater responsibility because by completely trusting in one another you stand exposed and vulnerable. For at the very moment you, Natalie give your heart to Cameron, and Cameron you give your heart to Natalie, you also give each other…a dagger metaphorically speaking and the ability to hurt one another. This is both the beauty and the challenge of love and marriage.  You will need to trust in one another more than ever, and this is where the behavior comes into play. So, Be kind. Be gentle. Be loving. Be fair. Be all these things. But most importantly, be open and be honest. You can’t go wrong, and you’ll be ok.

And now, with all the powers and abilities vested in me as father of the bride and with all of the love and support of your family and friends and especially everyone gathered here…. we send you on your married way.

We wish you nothing but the very best and a long life together. Make us proud, give us children but above all else… live happily ever after.

Paul Tolejko

Father of The Bride