A New Dawn- Beyond Patriarchy

The moment I laid eyes on it, I had to have it. It was December, in Ireland and our daughter was born a week earlier arriving at 2:30 am at the Hollis Street Hospital in Dublin. The item I spied was somewhat incongruous given the time of year and the country. It was a beach towel. Thin but colorful, emblazoned with the proclamation: GIRLS ARE WONDERFUL, GIRLS ARE TERRIFIC…BOYS STINK! Perfect. I loved it.

We had it for probably a decade or more encountering only one objection to its message. A client’s wife from Norway who had a son, an only child. Oh well. At the time we didn’t know Natalie Rose would not have siblings. What I did know was that women occupied the highest place of honor and respect in my mind and in my heart.

Beginning with my own mother, who was my role model, moral compass and my hero. My mother was everything to me. Her love for me and my sisters, her tireless energy and countless sacrifices under challenging circumstances epitomized the essence of motherhood.  My father was busy putting bread on the table and, like many other men in that era, dealing with his WWII demons. My mom, once we were a bit older, worked in retail clothing to help pay the bills. She eventually secured a position in the field of education, her passion. A modern woman.

All of my elementary school and half my high school teachers were women. I have often wondered why women wanted to be equal when they were already superior to men in so many ways.

Women are the glue that holds civilization together. They raise our children, nurture our souls and add beauty to the world. All with one hand tied behind their backs, by men. Did I mention “unconditional love”? As far as I am concerned, it exists only in motherhood, reserved for her children. All other forms of love, including that of a father, come with strings attached.

Okay. I think you know how I feel about women. Here are some of my (worst) thoughts about men. Not all men, but a large enough contingent to warrant concern.

Throughout all of history, men have played the dominant role in shaping human societies, particularly in the economic and political arenas. From ancient civilizations through modern times, patriarchal structures have been the norm. Beginning with Hunter-Gatherer societies, as hunters, men placed themselves in positions of leadership and authority. Their dominance continued through the Agricultural Revolution even though women were instrumental in its development, because physical strength and endurance were required. Fred Flintstone became Farmer John.

As civilizations developed, patriarchal systems were institutionalized. Men ruled as Kings, Emperors, Chiefs while controlling religious and political institutions reinforcing male supremacy. Men ruled usually by force, military conquest and through slavery. All the while subjugating women and denying them the same human rights they enjoyed. They denied women access to education and used this against them as a justification to refuse them the right to vote because, after all, they were uneducated. Men kept their women barefoot and pregnant.  In addition to not being allowed to even attend school, women could not own property and historically were considered property. They could not have a bank account, serve on a jury, travel alone or file for divorce from the sob’s that supported these atrocities. I guess it follows that women certainly could not be given the right to vote. How else could men guarantee the continuation of this absurd patriarchy.

It has only been in the last 100 years or so that women have been successful in gaining the rights and privileges men have enjoyed all along. Not because men were magnanimous, but through grassroots activism and peaceful protest. Along with legal challenges through the courts, political lobbying and, when necessary, civil disobedience. Most notably the Right to Vote was granted to women in 1920. Saudi Arabia finally came around in 2015. The University of Michigan was the first major college to allow women to enroll in 1870. Ivy League colleges meanwhile opened up to women only in 1968.

One of the most important rights secured by women in 1973 was the right to control their own body i.e. reproductive rights. Oh yeah, a male dominated Supreme Court recently took that right away.

To this day women are still fighting for the right to equal pay for equal work in the labor market. Yes, it is getting better, but it should not be this difficult or take so long. In addition, women continue to deal with “toxic masculinity” in the work place. Sexual harassment and sexism are finally on the front burner, subjected to new levels of scrutiny. Thanks in part to the #ME TOO Movement that supports the survivors of sexual abuse while holding perpetrators accountable. Sending a message to the Harvey Weinsteins of the world.

We do know what happens when women are given a fair shot on a level playing field. They excel. Take Title 9 (IX if you prefer Latin) for example. It was passed in 1972 to address discrimination in education. Up to then boys and young men had a huge advantage in terms of funding and access to educational programs. Boys were graduating at a rate 13% higher than girls. Today girls are now graduating at a rate 16% higher than boys. The exact opposite. Boys and men are struggling. We should take a look at why in a future post.

Regarding “Toxic Masculinity”- (aka men behaving badly)

The term encapsulates traditional norms and behaviors associated with masculinity. Not the good ones. To summarize:

• Men are supposed to suppress their emotions and not show weakness.
• Violence, aggression and bullying are acceptable ways to assert power.
• Traits labeled “femininity” such as empathy, kindness and nurturing are devalued.
• Hostility toward femineity in men is acceptable. i.e. Homophobia and discrimination against the LGBTQ community.
• Men are encouraged to view relationships in terms of dominance and control. Exploitation of women being the result.

Toxic masculinity is not healthy nor desirable. It dramatically impacts the mental health of men, negatively impacts their personal relationships and perpetuates gender inequality. Unfortunately, toxic masculinity is quite prevalent and is cause for concern.

Here are some facts regarding male behavior that should be viewed under the umbrella of toxic masculinity: (visit NSVRC.org)

Rape & Sexual Assault– in 2022 there were over 442,000 sexual assaults including rape on women in the USA. Approximately 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted in their life time. Worldwide according to the W.H.O., 1 in 3 women are physically or sexually assaulted. That is over 1 billion women.

Domestic Violence– On average over 5 million women are the victims of domestic violence including 1.3 million that are physically assaulted. 25% of all women within their lifetime will be assaulted by an intimate partner.

My God. This is how men treated their mothers, their wives, their daughters. The entire other half of mankind. Perhaps that reference gives it all away. Given our legacy, I am surprised more of us are not smothered while we sleep. Justifiable homicide.

Gentlemen Prefer Bombs

Meanwhile, from Cane and Abel through Ukraine men have been quite busy, successfully, I might add, killing. Every war, military conflict and genocide was started by testosterone driven men.

Although difficult to know for sure, it is estimated that all wars have killed over 1 billion women, children and men. Over the course of human history, the entire world has enjoyed peace less than 10% of the time. Despite the United Nations and other International Organizations, the 20^th and 21^st centuries have seen continuous conflicts and wars. As always, it is the women and children that suffer most. Just look at Gaza and Sub-Saharan Africa.

As if to underscore men’s ability to make our presence felt beyond the battlefield, men excel at crime. We commit 90% of all murders and other violent crimes like armed robbery and aggravated assault.

Wait a minute. I cannot paint this dismal a picture of half the world’s population (men) without taking a deeper look at how women think, feel and behave, generally speaking. After all, I want to be fair and balanced.

There is a mountain of research, reinforced by empirical observation documenting women’s behavior, communication and leadership styles and problem-solving techniques. Here is what we know about the differences in style between women and men:

1. Collaboration- Women tend to focus on creating consensus. They value inclusive decision making, creating a sense of unity. Men are more task oriented and competitive. More likely to stifle debate through authoritative decrees.
2. Leadership & Decision Making- Research shows women are more democratic, involving others in the decision-making process. They are also more pragmatic and exhibit higher levels of emotional intelligence. Men are more autocratic and emphasize individual performance.
3. Conflict Resolution- Women are more likely to seek harmony and compromise when resolving conflicts. Seeking the middle ground as opposed to winning at any price.Men tend to address conflicts in a more direct and confrontational style.

4. Risk Taking- Women are generally more risk-adverse. More cautious and less likely to take chances in uncertain situations. Men take huge risks, often gambling with the lives of others.
5. Corruption & Trust- It is known that governments with a higher percentage of women in leadership have lower levels of corruption. They are more likely to follow the rules. In terms of trust, consider this: When India first instituted micro-loans of around $100 to help poorer people, they would only loan money to women. Hmmm.

Reparations for Women- Everyone Benefits

Given what we know about men and their behavior over the past few thousand years, it would be delusional to believe that our world will ever become a better place. That we will learn to live in peace and harmony.  Afterall, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. There is also that old definition of insanity: “doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result”.

Maintaining the status quo is not in anyone’s best interests. Since they comprise half the population, I propose that 50% of both Houses of Congress be reserved for women. Each state will hopefully follow suit.  Perhaps all Public and Private Corporations as well. The Presidency would be one 6-year term, rotating between a man and a woman. No re-elections. They are a waste of time and money.

All Departments within government, including committees would adhere to the same mandate. Specifics to follow.

I called it Reparations above, as the historical abuse of women certainly warrants some type of compensation or consideration. The fact is, women have earned the right to half the say in our future. Our nation and the world will benefit from their talents, skills and wisdom. Women will bring with them what I consider superior communication and leadership skills that I outlined earlier.

Perhaps in the near future Netflix or Hollywood will make a movie titled “My Fair Gentleman”. The title song of course will be “why can’t a man be more like a woman?”

Are women “fit” to be President? Are you kidding me?

Few women have run for President of the United States and only two have made it through to the finals, the Presidential Election. Whenever they do, however, the question of their leadership capabilities is called into question. Our cultural biases on gender along with the stereotypes that reinforce them rise to the surface. Even though The Pew Research Center showed that 70% of Americans are comfortable with a female President and a Gallup poll found 92% of us are willing to vote for a woman President. So, what’s the problem? Skeptics remain and given the closeness of many elections, it’s a big deal.

So, now I am forced to comment on 3 key gender bias’s related to a woman’s “fitness” to be President:

1.     Perceived lack of toughness- Please. Have they not heard the term “mother bear”? It is synonymous with tough. Who does the hunting in the Lion Kingdom? Hint: it is not the males. Need more, think Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel or Gal Gadot.

2.     Too Emotional- Emotional intelligence is increasingly recognized as a strength in leadership. It enhances communication, negotiation and conflict resolution. Men have feeling too. Yes, they do, often driven by aggression, pride and competitiveness. 

3.     Work-Life Balance- An objection based on traditional gender roles. Men also have children. They often step up and take on what is considered the mother’s role, as stay-at-home fathers. These instances, even if admirable, make up a small percentage of parenting. Historically, men “dumped” the kids on their partners when taking on a role in government or in the corporate world, when they became inconvenient. Women, as laborers, Governors, Senators and CEO’s do just fine when serving in demanding roles while managing family responsibilities.

It is about time we hear the words: “MADAM PRESIDENT”. I can only hope that this issue, in keeping with Halloween lingo, is muerto.

2024 Presidential Election

So, what does my admiration for women coupled with my less than positive view of male behavior have to do with anything? Hmm. Any chance it has to do with our Presidential Election? Woman vs Man. If so, I had better hurry. Election day is nearly upon us.

I realize American Democracy is complicated, chaotic, divisive and messy. I too know that we all do not share a clear, common vision for the future. This has always been the case throughout our nation’s history. We are not the first to face genuine threats to our Democracy and way of life.

Every society must trust and respect it’s Institutions. We must believe that the Rule of Law is fundamental to maintaining order and ensuring justice. Without this common commitment, our social contracts will fail, leading to chaos or authoritarianism. Shared moral and ethical tenets also provide a framework for determining right from wrong and truth from fiction. Without a basic agreement to these core principles, democracy will fail.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you are aware that Kamala Harris and Donald Trump are nearing the end of a highly contentious race to the White House. I have observed, at least in part, every election since Kennedy v Nixon. None have been this bazaar. I feel as though I am in some parallel universe watching the Matrix without sound, trying to figure out what is going on.

I have the highest regard for women in general, as you know. I also have laid out a dismal assessment of the worst of male behavior over the course of human history. Men at their very worst are evil, having started all wars. That sexual predators, spousal abusers and rapists’ number in the millions. Having said that, not all men are savages nor all woman saints.

I am a man and also a father, a husband, a brother and a grandfather. My respect for women and their exceedingly difficult journey leaves me flabbergasted that half the nation supports an unhinged, abusive, misogynistic bully. There I said it. But don’t worry, I will not be elaborating on what we have all seen and what we know to be true. I will leave my analysis of him and his MAGA following for another time. Instead, I have a few closing words on Donald Trump’s abusive behavior toward women and the men who support him.

 Donald Trump & Women

As someone who believes in the Rule of Law and respects our Institutions I accept the findings of a jury of Donald Trump’s peers. He was found guilty of sexually assaulting E. Jean Carrol. He was charged with rape.

Donald Trump has a history of Sexual Misconduct. Dating back to the 1970’s over 2 dozen women have accused Donald Trump of varying forms of Sexual Misconduct ranging from harassment to assault. Numerous politicians, journalists, and women’s advocacy groups have described Donald Trump’s language and behavior as misogynistic, sexist and racist. Is everyone lying? Is it all just politics? We have ourselves witnessed his numerous, disparaging comments about women, listed to his own words, on tape about “grabbing” women etc. What more do we need?

To Leaders in Congress who are weak, who have placed their own power above common sense, decency, and the law, I say:

SHAME ON YOU.

How do you look your daughter, your wife, your sister, your mother in the eye and explain why you support a man like Donald Trump.

To those Americans who are about to pull the lever for Donald Trump, or already have done so, knowing in your heart of hearts that Donald Trump is a bully and sexual offender I say:

HOW DARE YOU? You have no honor.

Would your mother be proud of you today?

If Donald Trump’s supporters are willing to turn their backs on what I consider among the worst of human behavior, the sexual abuse of women, then stomaching his other promised abuses will come easily.

That’s it. My head is about to explode. Don’t forget to vote.

Paul

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